Parts of the U.S. just experienced the digital apocalypse—no memes, no money transfers, no morning coffee orders. The internet went…
Recession Is Coming, and the White House Is Playing Hide and Seek
The Fed Chief has spoken: “A recession is almost inevitable.” Wall Street fainted, economists sighed dramatically, and Twitter became a…
Trump Calls for National Mobilization—Mistakes Crisis for Reality Show Finale
In a fiery speech that could’ve easily been the pilot for The Apprentice: War Edition, former President Donald Trump urged…
Pentagon Warns of Cyber Attacks: Americans Asked to Update Passwords from ‘123456’ to ‘1234567’
In a stunning revelation that shocked absolutely no one, the Pentagon announced that America’s critical infrastructure is under threat from…
Oil Hits $150: Americans Now Willingly Time Travel Back to the 1970s
In a bold reenactment of the 1970s, Americans across the country lined up at gas stations, not for nostalgia—but because…
Wall Street Goes on Emotional Leave as Dow Drops 1,000 Points
Wall Street just had a meltdown more dramatic than a soap opera finale, with the Dow Jones plunging over 1,000…
Middle East Chaos Sends Oil to the Moon, Stocks to Therapy
Despite yesterday’s surprise “peace announcement” by Trump (which both Iran and Israel politely ignored), the Middle East conflict has escalated…
Trump Claims Iran-Israel Ceasefire; World Seeks Fact-Checker with Superpowers
Donald Trump broke the internet (again) by declaring on Truth Social that Iran and Israel have agreed to a ceasefire…
Iran Threatens to Close Hormuz; World Oil Throws a Tantrum
After a U.S. strike on Iranian soil, Tehran has threatened to shut down the Strait of Hormuz, the world’s favorite…
USA on Alert! Iran’s Angry, Radars On, Coffee Brewing
After a suspected strike on its nuclear site, Iran is fuming—and the U.S. isn’t taking chances. Radars are spinning, jets…
Déjà Vu on the Dunes: Cowboy Sees Vietnam with Sand
An old American cowboy squints up at the fighter jets heading toward Iran and mutters, “I’ve seen this movie before……
VOA Fires Staff: AI Doesn’t Complain or Ask for Sick Leave
Silence fell over the offices of Voice of America (VOA). Not because of a live broadcast or technical glitch, but…
Cowboy Enters Two Fighting Tents: Peacemaker or Firestarter?
Tension peaked today as a lone cowboy stood at the center of two tents in chaos. On the left, frying…
Rates Up, Down, Sideways: Is the Fed a Roller Coaster Now?
The Federal Reserve held another “crucial” meeting, leaving markets jittery and citizens scratching their heads. They say the economy is…
Bill or Reality Show? The Senate Melts Down (Again)
Trump’s mega-bill sparked a Senate debate hotter than a microwave with the door open. Senators hurled jabs, sarcasm, and veiled…
Welcome to America… Wait, Never Mind
The White House announced plans to ban entry from 38 more countries—because apparently, banning just a few wasn’t exciting enough.…
Tanks Roll in DC, Protesters Roll Their Eyes Nationwide
While tanks proudly paraded down Washington’s shiny avenues in honor of President Trump’s birthday and the Army’s 250th anniversary, thousands…
Minnesota Politics Now with Bullet Points
In a shocking twist that made even the Capitol coffee machine stop brewing, Minnesota lawmakers faced more than just heated…
Meta Dives Into Super AI: Zuckerberg Sends $14B and Hopes It Doesn’t Take Over the World
Meta is going all-in on artificial intelligence, investing a cool $14.3 billion in Scale AI and hiring its CEO Alexandr…
Trump to Gift $1,000 to Every Newborn: Welcome to America, Here’s Your Starter Pack
In a surprise twist, President Trump promised a $1,000 investment account for every baby born on U.S. soil. The plan…
LA Mayor Declares Curfew: Cinderella Warned to Be Home by 8
Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass announced a citywide curfew in parts of downtown, hoping to cool down the increasingly heated…
Trump Deploys Extra Troops to LA, War Room Doubles as BBQ Tent
President Trump cranked the military dial to eleven, sending in 4,000 National Guard troops and 700 Marines to Los Angeles.…
LA Protests Over Immigration Raids Go Wild
Los Angeles was ablaze with protests—figuratively and quite literally—as ICE raids and Trump’s hardline immigration policies sparked public outrage. Angry…
China, US Meet in London to Argue Politely Over World Domination
Top trade reps from China and the U.S. met in a luxurious London ballroom to pretend they were getting along.…
LA Deploys Tanks to Tame Protest Signs!
In a bold move to stop the spread of cardboard signs and peaceful chanting, the U.S. government sent nearly 2,000…
National Donut Day: Sweet Freedom in a Fat Nation
Every first Friday of June, Americans unite to celebrate a beloved tradition: National Donut Day—a sacred moment when calories are…
Boeing Pays, Not Flies
Boeing agreed to pay $1.1 billion to avoid prosecution by the U.S. Department of Justice over two fatal 737 MAX…
White House Doubles Tariffs on Aluminum and Steel
The White House doubling tariffs on aluminum and steel might mean soda cans and cutlery prices will skyrocket, making summer…
Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Message to Environmentalists
Arnold Schwarzenegger, the Terminator turned “Green-minator,” is back with an environmental message. Perhaps he’ll send a T-800 to every polluting…
Trump’s Plan to Cut NASA’s Budget
Trump’s plan to cut NASA’s budget might mean astronauts will have to start pinching pennies, perhaps bringing packed lunches to…