In a surprise twist, President Trump promised a $1,000 investment account for every baby born on U.S. soil. The plan was quickly dubbed “Cradle Capitalism.” Some cheered, others asked if babies could invest in crypto. One toddler reportedly screamed “Buy low!” before spitting up on his bib. Critics worry it’s a distraction from bigger issues, but new parents are just glad someone is finally helping with diaper costs—if only the stock market didn’t smell like baby powder now.