Despite yesterday’s surprise “peace announcement” by Trump (which both Iran and Israel politely ignored), the Middle East conflict has escalated — and global markets are now in full panic mode.
Oil prices shot up so fast, NASA called to ask if they needed a rocket license.
The global stock market? It’s currently curled up in a fetal position under the desk, whispering, “It’s just a correction… it’s just a correction…”
Investors are panic-buying everything from gold to garden gnomes, unsure which will hold more value next week.
Economists are screaming for de-escalation, while politicians are still debating how to spell it.
Analysts now predict a potential global recession, but hey — at least gas station owners are smiling.