If you thought water only flows downhill, think again — in Texas, it goes wherever it pleases. The flash floods that wrecked Camp Mystic on July 4 have officially outwitted FEMA’s flood maps — which apparently stayed dry, safe, and completely lost in someone’s drawer.
Fresh analysis now shows FEMA somehow skipped a “minor detail” — the massive flood risk in the area where dozens of people sadly died. Local residents joke, “Maybe FEMA’s maps are waterproof. Too bad the campsite wasn’t.”
Officials have promised to “review the flood mapping process,” though rumor has it the color printer is out of ink. Meanwhile, Texans are more worried about the next flood than the next FEMA press conference.
Public anxiety is rising faster than Camp Mystic’s river levels. Some residents wish, if FEMA’s maps get lost again, maybe the water can at least miss the campsites and head straight for billionaire golf courses instead.
As we publish this, the rain keeps falling, the maps keep hiding, and FEMA keeps holding meetings — proving once again that water never asks for permission.